Ten Ways to Have a Better Conversation
The TED talk given by radio hostess Celeste Headlee about how to have better conversations is great to listen to. She stated points about some of the different aspects of having a conversation. Including some of the bad habits that we should try not to do, as well as some good habits to utilize during a conversation. The following are some of the key points of her TED talk.
Celeste started the Talk by asking the audience, “How many of you have deleted friends off of social media platforms, for posting something offensive?” She was hinting at the fact that whatever that person had said must have affected our outlook on them. Really meaning, what we say and do while having a conversation will have a huge impact on the other person’s point of view about them. It is imperative that during a conversation we are mentally and physically invested in it. She also asked the audience, “How many of you avoid at least one person because you just don’t want to talk to them?” By asking that question, she sets the subject for her speech. By suggesting to the audience, the thought that some people have great conversation abilities, and there are also those who do not.
Celeste then went on to talk about how difficult it has become to have a polite conversation with someone you do not know. Climate change and antivaccine has brought controversy to two of the safest conversational topics, the weather, and our health. Now, we live in a world where literally every conversation has the potential to break out into a full-blown argument. From our politician’s quarreling or not speaking, to even the most trivial of issues having someone fight both passionately for it and passionately against it as well. Research shows that in this era, people are generally less likely to compromise, which divides us and makes us unable to listen to one another. A good conversation requires balance, between listening and talking, from all the people involved. Somewhere in recent years, we lost that ability to achieve that balance.
Where did this loss of balance happen? Part of that loss is due to technology though. Our overuse of it at a developing age. Kids do not have enough interpersonal relationships, in fact studies show that approximately one third of American teenagers send more than a hundred text messages per day. Most of them would much rather communicate through texts rather than face to face. A high school teacher by the name of Paul Barnwell gave his students a communication project. The project was for his students to learn to speak on a specific subject without using notes. Paul then realized that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill that we fail to teach. That does seem funny, but if kids spend hours per day developing and exchanging ideas through a screen, well that doesn’t exactly help them practice their interpersonal communication skills, does it?
Celeste went on to tell the audience that she makes her living talking to all sorts of different people. Billionaires, Nobel prize winners, heads of state, kindergarten teachers, truck drivers, and even plumbers, she talked to people that she liked, and people she didn’t like. She has even talked to people that she disagrees with on a personal level and still had some great conversations. Celeste has seemingly mastered the skill of how to have good a conversation. These are her ten rules that she gave for having better conversations.
The first is do not multitask. Stay focused both mentally and physically within the conversation and present within the moment. By focusing our attention we become more involved in the conversation, which in turn makes them more meaningful and enjoyable.
The second is not to express any of your own opinions in a way that may be annoying or even pompous. We should always consider whether something should be shared within a conversation.
The third is to use open ended questions. By asking open ended questions we can keep the topic going and inspire further thought and shared perspective toward the topic.
The fourth is go with the flow. It is important not to get stuck with one thought on our mind within a conversation. In fact, by doing that we can shut down our ability to stay involved and current in the conversation.
The fifth is when you do not know, say you do not know. By making that clear we can help to ensure our talk isn’t cheap. Talk should not be cheap. Our word is all we really have.
The sixth is never trying to equate their experiences with your own. It is never the same situation, so it is best not to compare them.
The seventh rule, try not to repeat yourself. It makes for a condescending and boring conversation.
The eighth rule, stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the years, the dates, the names, all the details we struggle to remember. People want to hear about you, and if you have anything in common with them.
Number nine is to listen. Listening is one of the most important skills in the ability to have a good conversation, if not the most important.
The tenth and final rule is to be brief.
A great conversation is the kind that you walk away from feeling engaged and inspired, feeling like you have made a deep connection, or even that you have been truly understood. We all have had them, and we know what they are like. We have to listen, keep our minds open, and always be prepared to be amazed. There is absolutely no reason why every conversation can’t be a great conversation.
About The Author
